Midnight Express

Midnight Express is not a movie I would readily reccomend to anyone. A friend of Tim's from church loaned it to him. I had never heard of it before and so sat down to watch.

What followed was two sleepless nights and nightmares. Eventually the movie faded to a place in the back of my mind where I was happy for it to stay there.

Next scene. Tim was loaned another book from a different friend at church, and I remember it had to be back to the owner asap. So I figured I'd give it a read. It was highly reccomended to Tim to read before he went to the Thailand prison with the church group. That probably should have warned me.

I finished it last night in a few hours. Its not very long. Its hard to put down even though you want to. The book is called 4000 days. Its the true life story of a Australian man who was imprisoned in Thailand for 11 years.

More nightmares and now complete disturbia.

Actually more seriously, the movie, then the book, put me in a very contemplative state. It really is shocking to come to understand the horrors in this world are real and going on this very minute.

Its a hard thing to get my mind around. I have doubts anyone at all could explain the hideous behavior of human beings.

It makes me wonder what exactly is God seeing when he looks at our planet.

All I know is that I have started praying for people in prison in the US and in other countries.

It's beautiful

Since he found his son, he has slowly been softening before my eyes. It is a beautiful thing and seeing it take place, I feel blessed and I've given it much thought.

The other day Tim wanted to show some of the music he downloaded. He was so excited. He keep naming off all these different singers. Moody Blues, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, really I wasn't interested. But later on I realized that is a huge change for Tim to go back and talk about the music he used to like. Then I realized he is remembering things and he is opening up, what more is he very rarely used be interested in music....too busy.

He listens to music now. The other night I heard him in the backyard. He was sitting under the leaves with his new ipod singing along to his music. I crooked my head to the side and smiled to myself and wandered back to bed. Let him sing under the stars.

.....and today his son called just to say hi, and called him Dad for the first time. He told me about it excitedly.

It's like watching a scar fade, or a tree with a broken branch show buds.
Something like that. Whatever it is, its beautiful.

I saw the future.

I was at Longs drugstore yesterday picking up presriptions with Luke. We had a long line. Luckily there are a few seats to wait in. . Fortunately for all of us bored adults Luke entertained us by louding doing the "robot" dance. He was pretty good actually....he sang along with arm motions, "I-am-a-robot!" Over and over and over. yeah. So eventually he tired of that and sat down.
I was sitting next to him reading the back of package of ear wax remover and I noticed the woman who standing in line near us kinda staring. I followed her gaze and it landed right on Luke just about to wipe a booger on the chair he was sitting in. Of course I quickly pretended to be horrified and gave a lecture on the sanitary desposal of boogers. The lady looked satisfied and gave me a tight lipped smile. Then I whispered to Luke she was a weirdo.

Around this time the line started to move and now in front of us was a mother with her pimply teenage son. The mother had the strangest look on her face and when I looked at her son, that overgrown puppy, he was waving a package of Trojans at her. His mother and I briefly exchanged eye contact and then she wistfully looked at Luke then back at me. Her look told me she wished her son was still doing the "robot" instead of waving condoms around trying to embarrass her.

Oh the joys to come raising a son...

Kindergarten Interviews coming up.

Luke is currently enrolled in pre-4, we switched him to a fantastic school from the one he attended last year.

His last school was very traditonal. Class time, large undirected group play, ect. Luke did not do well at all. He would kick and scream most mornings in order not to go to school. At recess he would act up and then go put himself in 'time-out' several times during free play. When the school called me to describe this behavior I was heartbroken and wondered what he was learning there. Obviously not conflict-resolution!

The new school we've choosen is extremely creative. The children play in groups of three and switch to different play tasks on a circuit.This is done so the child gains strong social skills. Each task is specifically designed to be creative and engaging to the child. They water plants, wash toys, play dress up with costumes, ect. They do not sit at desks. They don't even have desks! The class room has all these little areas for different kinds of play. They have very frequent excursions. Today the class is going to walk to Barnes and Noble for a story and project. Last week they went to the Kahala Mandrin for the dolphin experience. The school does not emphasize acedemics in the traditional sense. Its all done through play.

I can't tell you the joy and relief I feel in that my son wakes up excited to go to this school. He is jumping up and down to get there. A complete turn around from last year. Now without prompting he is experiementing with letters and numbers.

Last year frightened me and really woke me up to paying attention to the Luke's specific learning style. Tim and I are open to the possibilities of all the different styles that people learn and are attentive to the idea that the traditional school systems leave some kids by the wayside for one reason or another.

It's time to interview for applications to Kindergarten, we weren't going to go private for grade school because our district has the only good grade school on the Island, but the more we thought about it, realized that its difficult to get your kid in at that awkward pre-teen phase when they usually interview after 6th grade. It'd be much easier it is if your child already attends.

So we begin the search for Luke's school. Tim says Iolani, I say Waldorf or Punahou. We will see what Luke says. He will get the final call!

I know for most people sending their kid to kindergarten is an exciting thing, but for me I am just beside myself with joy. Knowing that my son has a better chance of avoiding the problems that I had is a relief that I cannot describe. In a strange way I feel he is escaping. But what exactly I cannot pin point. I just feel this is true...and I am so grateful.


May our children grow into all that God has planned for them.

Finally started the book

I dont' think I'm a great writer compared to most. But I do think I have a great story and unique perspective. So I have finally gotten up the courage to start writing about Annie. Each day I write for about an hour. I try to relax and remember not just all the twists and turns of the search process but about how I felt while doing it. That is a bit uncomfortable. But I think thats what makes a story compelling is the human side to it. Thats what people understand.
So I'm thinking of buying Pages iwork today to make this process easier. Thank God for spell check!

Dad, if you have anything you remember about this subject give me an email.

no pics

Dangit.

better later than never

So I am finally posting the darling pictures from Luke and my vacation to WA. Or one picture at least if I can figure it out.

Here is Luke presenting Kianna with a flower.

Tim's son Tim Jr.

I am happy to report there is nothing new going on here... except that Tim got in touch finally, after 39 years with his long lost son. To make a long story long, here is the gist of it.

It is 1967, Tim has girlfriend in highschool. She gets pregnant. She has a baby boy. Tim sees his son at the hospital and for a couple of visits in his first few months. Then Tim signs a document releasing the baby to be adopted. Tim and Lori(the mother)broke up before the baby was born for reasons I'm sworn to keep secret under threat of divorce. The girl had a boyfriend who wanted to marry her. So the future husband would be able to adopt the baby.
The baby was named Timothy Brian. We never knew his last name because Lori was married.
Obviously though, we found out his last name while searching online and bingo...reunion will be at Christmas.

New family photos including Tim Jr. to follow soon.

Oh, by the way, his last name is Reed! The son that is.

Luke is hetero.

Reedesign is building an addition at Luke's pre-school. Tim told Luke that its his job to watch the work and report back to him after school. He is taking this responsibility very seriously and has his own bright orange Tonka hard hat.

I was early today picking up Luke. While waiting, I ran into Ms. Lilly, the Dean, she said that at recess, Luke climbed up this big pile of oversized blocks the kids play on, I think to check the job. After a minute he sticks out his little chest and anounces loudly to the girls at the bottom of the blocks, "OH KAY!, I'M READY, COME AN GET ME GIRLS!"

As Ms. Lilly and I were laughing about this, I leaned in close to tell her Tim and I had suspected his was hetero from the begining!

Time.

Never underestimate yourself.

At this time in my life my main problem is time. I suppose thats the same for millions of people. But to me this is a luxury problem.

I have all these choices everyday of my life, these choices will define me, my life.

I am so grateful to be able to choose how to spend my time. So today this is the topic of thought. What do I choose to do with my time?

I'll be thinking on this during the week.

Good morning.

Sometimes life moves so fast and I am so busy with my own thoughts, but this morning Luke woke me up with a big grin. He was excited to go to school. Sleepy-eyed I wandered into the kitchen with him on my heels talking a mile a minute. The one thing he said that did register in my grogginess was, "Mom, I'm hungry!"

I got out the pancake mix and grill. Still on auto pilot I started mixing batter and boiling water for coffee. Luke was excited to have pancakes and wanted to watch me do the flips. He pulled up his little stool to the counter. The kitchen cd player was to my left, mindlessly I pushed play.

The sun was coming up and as I stood beside Luke eating his pancakes standing on his stool, I paused and it seemed like the whole world stood still. Luke with syrup all over his face and holding his fork in the air, Elton John's piano tinkling in the background and Lukey softly singing with mouth full the words to "My Song".
I peered at him from the side as not to make him self-conscience and in that moment my heart grew full. My son with his mouth full of pancakes singing along and making up his own words along with Elton. The sun now risen and streaming in the windows, the smell of coffee, and my son singing.

Home from vacay

What a beautiful time. Luke and I got home last night from Washington. We celebrated Kayla's 2nd birthday with a huge party at Earl's, where we sang horrible kareoke and drank too much and the kids had a visit from Spiderman. We also did a short camping trip to Wallowa Lake. Dad and Joy in their RV and Earl, Nora and the kids in the tent trailer. The simple things in life remind me how unbelievably rich in love I am and all that I want..I have.

It felt good to come home. Tim and Kenna picked up Luke and me right on time at the airport. When I walked in the door of our house the colorful, whimsical, warmth enveloped me completely. I breathed a small sigh and let myself feel the good feeling of being at home.

This morning as I look around the house and haphazardly wander through picking up things to be put away, dishes, laundry ect.
I feel I am the most blessed woman in the world. From where I have come from.....to where I now stand.....there is nothing I can think of that explains the journey from darkness to light, except God has shined His face on me and on my family, from the very begining. During all the hard years and now during these joyful years.

I do dishes and fold laundry and think about life. Swirling thoughts of Kianna, my sweet sweet niece, my brother and his wife, Michael, and Kayla, Dad and Joy. Quilts, and wooden bowls, my thoughtful and challenging husband whom I could not get bored with...Luke.....(he gave himself a haircut this morning while waiting for his parents to finally get out of bed.)...and I am profoundly grateful and I realize my happiness overflows and I couldn't even hold it in my hands if I tried.

Luke's first day of pre-4

Well, Tim and Luke are off. Tim drove Luke to his new school for his first day of pre-4. Everyone is excited about it. Especially me. The house is really quiet.
I went over some basic rules for Lukey before he left, which are as follows: 1) The only private parts you touch are your own. 2) No bad words. 3) No playing gun games at this school or you get booted.(Their rule not mine.)
He seemed to get it....
Luke dressed himself in full camo gear and was ready to rock. I however, changed his shirt so he didn't look so ready to wreck havoc. So he kept the camo pants but I got a normal shirt on him. sigh.
I have no doubt the boy is completely hetero.


Tonight, Luke and I leave on the red eye for WA to meet up with the fam for the Anema camp out. I plan to bring lots of reading materials and do alot of daydreaming as well.
See you all soon.