I LOVE LUKEY!

Tim and I got these photo keychains as a little souviners from his highschool reunion. They were selling them as keepsakes. Two for $10. For whatever reason we bought the corny plasitc momentos. I joked with Tim that I would make sure he carried his on his keychain

When we got home Luke noticed the keychain. He imediately grabbed it and excitedly exclaimed, "This is MINE! I want this for ME!"

It was so cute how much he liked it. I mean after all it was just a picture of his parents. Our heads all squished together, cheek to cheek with corny grins on our faces. But he liked it. He demanded I hook it on the handle of his school bag.

So now each day he proudly carries our picture to school with him.

Children are so beautiful. They just eminate love. It's hard to believe.... I guess you'd have to have been there to see his delight and enthusiasm wtih the keychain, and his fierce pride when he got to school and showed his friends the momento, "HEY! You guys! LOOK! This is my PARENTS! SEEEEEEE!!!!"

(I'll probably have to read this over and over when he becomes a teenager but for now I can revel in the fact our son actually wants people to know we are related.)

A Cool Message From My Mom

A few days ago I decided to reorganize Lukes room. I bought these cool canvas pop-up storage boxes to put all of his toys in. Today Luke and I opened up the package and popped open the boxes. He loved them. They are in bright red and bright blue and they stack in two towers of three. So we dumped his toys out all over the floor and started to organize according to size.
Thinking what a great concept these boxes were, I bought myself a few as well. I have a stack photo albums and journals and other random stuff on the top of my closet. I hate looking at it because it's such an eyesore. Finally I have these chic new boxes to give it a nice clean look up there. My boxes, by the way, are black and tan, very cool.

After finishing with Luke's stuff I started on mine. Half way through the project I came across a letter. I recognized my name on the envelope written in my mother's hand-writing. I realized it was the letter she wrote from her death bed to say goodbye to me. I read it in a half frozen stupor, still not willing to let the grief fully surface.

Nearing the end of the letter, she said that if God was willing she would watch over me like a guardian angel. She wrote that she would enjoy seeing me raise my children and added that it would be a challenge as well as a joy. I put the letter away and finished my organizing task.

A bit later in the evening I started to do dishes but that last words in the letter kept popping into my head. The words about her being a guardian angel. As I washed dishes in the warm soapy water it suddenly dawned on me, and I pulled my hands abruptly from the water, that today was her birthday. May 13.

Happy Birthday Mama!

Hey Everybodeeeee!!!!

Yesterday Luke, Tim, and I went on a walk. Luke brought along his new skateboard he got for his birthday. It took quite awhile to get him all ready. First the long pants,(play pants not his good pants, long sleeves...)then all the gear, the elbow pads the knee pads, the wrist guards...on and on...FINALLY, we get out the door.

We are almost to the corner, yah! its a beautiful day in Hawaii! I'm excited! Tim and I are holding hands too. Then, I hear Luke yell at the top of his lungs,"HEY EVERYBODY, I POOPED IN MY PANTS ON ACCIDENT!!!!!!)

Luke is standing there with big round bewildered eyes. We turn around and I am about to laugh out loud and Tim gives me a dirty look warning me not to laugh. I hide my mouth behind my hand and look down while Tim heads back towards Luke. After I gain control of myself I catch up with them and explain to Luke and Tim that when Luke eats a half sheet of Birthday cake and 6 chocolate cupcakes and 2 pop tarts....well, he gets the runs. Thats just what happens. No big deal. So Tim gets him all cleaned up and we go through the whole dressing routine again and start over.

The walk was worth it though.

Disjointed

It has been so long since I last wrote, but life has been moving too fast for me to stop to record my observations.....too much craziness..
I swear, I see my life, well the whole world actually, in vivid living color. I find it exciting/exhausting and some people find it manic..but whatever.
First of all the whole quit smoking thing is entering it's 4th month. I finally feel confident enough to say I quit and not 'I'm quitting.' It feels good and now I also feel far enough away from the beginning of the journey to comment on it with some perspective.
Letting go of smoking has been one of the major struggles of my life. It had filled in so many moments and gaps...it was my absolute best card for coping with life. Unfortunately my best card was bad for mine and everyone else's health. So here I am and now I'm naked, at least that is how it feels. Raw. Its been raw. Life has become so much louder and brighter than before. That is something I am learning how to live and deal with. It will be okay though...actually it will be great....moving along...
Luke had his birthday party. The big 5. It was so much fun at least thats what it looked like from where I was inside my head.
I've been a bit detatched since I found out my cousin Josh died. I have so much to say about him and to him but right now nothing will come. Its frustrating because I want so much to tell how beautiful he was and all the things I saw in him...but not today I guess. I'm too disjointed. I'm going to go and work on my ebay store instead.

Life is just too crazy sometimes, but I try to remember that all things pass. Its been since Feb.7 since I became 'smoke free' and its been quite a journey for me and my family.
I figure that my habit was so important to me that I did it for 17 years. It filled quite a bit of time for me and unbeknowst to me it acted as an extremely strong buffer against life's anxieties. It was literally a cloud of smoke surrounding me that insulated me against unpleasant feelings and situations. You have to think that using that method of coping for all those years to stop it has been an enormous change. It has been more difficult I think for Tim than me. Without the ciggarette to take me outside to the back porch at any and every annoyance, I know instead stay put and say something. So of course not have much practice at negotiating irritating situations much I have swung to the far right in my responses and then to the far left. Eventually with some more practice maybe I will be able to handle life with more grace than I have in the past few months....and for the record, I do credit my husband with his patience and support and willingness to go the mile with me. Its probably been hellish and baffling for him.
On the subject of grace, which by the way, is my favorite subject, I bought a few copies of a sermon I heard at church a few weeks ago. It spoke to that secret place in my heart and has stayed with me since. I hope to be able to post it on my blog in a few days. It is an amazing message and has been a great comfort to me. I stay this with much emphasis, anyone who reads this blog can absolutely look forward to reading it. I just have to dictate it from an audio cd first. I know it will be worthwhile. If I can learn how to load it as it is in audio form I will.
My marriage has been difficult for all the above reasons and more. However, I am comforted in knowing that through suffering comes joy and understanding and compassion to the same degree. I have seen this strange thing occur again and again in my life, so I do speak from experience and am not quoting some 'feel good pop physcology book'! I believe we are in a time of growth and because we decided that we will stay married and ultimately want peace and all good things for ourselves and our children, I know we will weather this transition. (But it seems every time there is a hardship I once again have to decide whether your in or out.) Hopefully that will become less and less an occurance. Last thing on the subject of marriage. Its hard. It has asked me to be more than I am. It has forced me to rethink my behavior, habits, and priorities many times over. I guess it reminds me of becoming a parent, the way that it asks or demands you to grow......or die!
I have had a black rage of a temper since I quit smoking. I always knew it was there deep down, but now....honestly it has completely surprised me and now its something I need to manage. Last week I threw my beautiful porcelan egg from my mother out the window. It went through the screen in the living room and shattered in the street. Every time I look at the gaping hole in the screen I am sorry about it and wish it didn't happen. Not only does it make me look totally crazy and unstable but of course for this week I am sure I am the gossip of the neighborhood. We don't have much privacy the way our houses and windows are situated. So basically I used the most horrible language and threw stuff during an argument with my husband. I think I surprised him. Well I floored myself. Totally weird. However, the good thing about this incident is that when your actions are seen by everyone, I seem to have to face them. No hiding or pretending it wasn't so bad. So since my behavior has caused me much embarrassment I decided to change it. I seriously do not want to be know as that crazy lady neighbor.......
Anyway on to brighter subjects. This morning on the way to school Luke asked me, "Mom, how high is God?"
Me: Pretty high up there, you can't see him.
Luke: "Well could we see him with binoculars?"
Me: No.

Sunday at Grandpa's & Grandma

This is a story told to me by Tim. I stayed home with sore throat and bad cold and thoroughly enjoyed having the house to myself to putter around in and 'do stuff'.


Tim took the trainer wheels off Luke's bicycle in the garage while Luke helped with his own wrench. Afterwards, he stood back and with complete exuberance announced, "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!"
He mastered the two wheels instantly.....and rode off full blast down Grandma and Grandpa's lane in Kailua. He even rode side saddle and tried to come to skidding stops.
Later in the evening he took Dad aside and in his 'man-to-man' voice said, "Dad, I need to talk to you."
"Okay, whuts up?"
"Now that my trainer wheels are off my bicycle are we going to take the trainer wheels off my motorcycle? Because YOU said I could take my trainer wheels off my motorcycle when I learned to ride my big bicycles with no trainer wheels!"
He then looked at Dad and there was a long pause while Dad tried to figure out how to stall taking the trainer wheels off the motorcycle. Tim quickly developed a answer.
"Lukie, I said we would take off the trainers on the motorcycle AFTER you learned to ride your bicycle with no trainer wheels VERY VERY VERY good.
"Well, I rode really good today!"
"I know son but I want you to be able to ride your bike with no mistakes."
"Okay, is that when I'm 5 years old?"

Geeze. Sheesh. Dangnagit.

These are the words I am trying to use now that I am trying to be a better, example to my son in the cussing department. I would like to chill on the bad language and what not. I am into this. I guess I say 'crap' alot or something.

Question for the Day: Why is my husband smug? I don't know and nor do I want to know.

Last randomness. For so long I could not get my photos to stretch out on the slide show like I just did with no problemo. What's that about? I wracked my brain forever then gave up trying and let my blog look all a mess like I'm a total computer tard. Which I am, but there are directions on how to do it. So it should have worked. Anyway, guess its working now. I guess I can't be all happy about it
because
I am in a total funk. My son did not get into the school I was totally heart- set on for him. (BTW, at this school they interview Parents not Kids) So its not like it was something about him. It was me! Ahhg. I am so on fire over this. I don't show well. But I told his Dad he needed to call and talk to them and what not...since he is our 'showface' of the family! What I mean is, he is .a...you know..socially acceptable, No mohawk, no facial hair, no accent of any kind,suit,tie,guy... the perfect, Front! Not that I have that much facial hair or mohawk....but you know what I mean. Wax.

Anyway, I think more could have been done instead of just me going down there to the interview and the second interview and the third ect, paperwork, ect. phone calls....from all me. Yay.Team. That would really freak him out....I could tell him I have a whole system set up for Luke called "Operation Free Bird". Hahaaa. Thats right minimal rules. No lids on toothpaste, ect. Lots of painting, singing, dance ect. I say its better for a child to learn something when they are passionate about it. In fact, I quote.......myself. I said,"Listen, I really don't think its a big deal he's not into his xyzs567's yet. Besides, he'll get that in due time. Its not a contest whose kid can regurgitate the most cra....stuff!
I couldn't believe I said that. It just came out. Didn't really sound like me. I mean it did sound like me, the way I think but it came out better than usual.
Have I mentioned I haven't been able to sleep in a long time? I'm getting so kooky.
So friends if anyone has read this far. Don't blame me if I list some crime against fashion thing up for auction...like I said, I haven't had enough sleep lately. No not really. I'd Never do that. Bad fashion.
Hi Dad.

Why God Made Moms...

"Why God made Moms" answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms works at work & works at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic. They make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes in the back of her head.

Boring is, as Boring Does!

I finally bit the bullet. After hearing some great lectures on the effects of media on children and the incident at school where Luke was acting out some violent scene from a tv show.....I turned off the tube completely. Well for Luke, that is.

Lucas is visibly less aggressive. He is much more calmer but the best part is, he is so much more fun and creative!

The new pictures are of Luke flying a kite he made. Another picture is of him in his bed with some of my old cans that we made into a awesome rocking drum set. We love love love it! Especially me. No so much Tim. (I'd always wished I was a drummer in a rock band.....) Anyway, I picked up an old beat up surf board at a garage sale for 5 bucks! I told him he could decorate it, besides that I grabbed a book at the sale too. The title: 365 things to for kids besides watch tv. So, I know I'm on the right track! You know the little signs God gives and such...

So check out the new photos and the link of a very uninhibited Lukie doing his hip hop rap dancing!

So, now I have to go help my son find something to do besides tv....as he is driving me nuts.

I Throw Crackers When I'm Angry

It has been a long time since I've blogged, but I have an awesome reason/excuse.
Okay, here goes...in a nut shell.
February 7 I quit smoking. Yay alright! After 100's of failed attempts over the last 10 or so years, I randomly came across a show on smoking...okay..it was Oprah. But anyway it was a show on smoking cessation and it had some excellent information. Number one, I learned that there were different kinds of smoking addictions. Yah okay, I thought fine. I already know...I'm the 'hardcore' kind. For some reason I kept watching. They had been interviewing 3 women who had quit and showed how they were doing. For some reason that was really helpful. Near the end they gave a website to take a test to determine what kind of smoker you are. Fast forward I took the test. I was actually surprised to find out the result. Yah, I knew I'd rate the hardcore smoker but didn't know what all that entailed. So here are my dirty issue on a plate for all of blog world. Basically it said my kind of smoker smokes to possible medicate another problem. They smoke chain smoke...ect ect. The most alarming part was that the percentage of people in this category had a next to zero chance of ever quitting. Luckily for me, that made me mad and being the opositional type that my husband says I am, It actually motivated me! So I carefully read the quit plan, and this time I followed. I made an appointment with my beloved head shrinker. I told him what I heard about from Oppie. He surprisingly agreed. After I told him my experiences of trying to quit previously. I go REAL crazy. So he readjusted my medication I already take to just a bit higher. I was supposed to set my quit date a week into taking the new dosage. I was so gung-ho I quit a day early. Possibly before the new med took effect. I should have followed directions. That very evening as I was walking past Tim who was in the computer room I completely lost my mind! He said something to me with a tone of voice I usually ignore, but this time, I didn't keep walking. I backed up to the door of the room. I was eating crackers. 5 crackers to be exact, and I said slowly and softly, enunciating every word.."What did you say?". As he started to repeat with irritation about how he was hungry or something like that, I literally heard a snap inside my head. First I threw the 1 cracker as hard as I possibly could at him, hurting my arm. Then feeling that was not effective, crunched up the last four into tiny tiny pieces and threw them on his head and computer. Yelling all the while about how I work hard and such and such. He just looked at me. He didn't say a word. Later on down the road, I apologized and admitted that I had just quit smoking. He said then that it all made sense.
So the reason I haven't blogged is that my new medication makes me sssssoooooo chilled out, I am too lazy. No just kidding. I think it just numbs my creative drive some. I still think a lot about things I'd like to write about or do, I just haven't.
I'm getting better now. I haven't thrown any crackers since then.

All we need....and more.

A few days ago Luke asked me to go to the chapel service with him at his preschool. They have chapel every Thursday and the kids have a short service with the pastor. They sing, have a story from the bible and pray. I wasn't aware that parents also were welcome to attend.
So this morning I stayed for the morning chapel and it was one of those gifts that God gives of extreme beauty. So simple and so beautiful. The children sang with full hearts and they held nothing back. Their faces just radiated joy which then spread to everyone else in the chapel.
It's amazing to me how such a simple thing could be so intricate in design and meaning. The wonder and innocence of the children were contagious and I left the service with many things to consider and ponder.
The first thing I thought as I walked to my car is that God must hear my quietest thoughts and deepest questions even when I don't even mean him to, because yesterday, as I ran my errands and kept up my mindless busy pace I secretly wondered if there is more to life. I didn't wonder this in an ungrateful way but more in a curious way. When you have all you want and you need no more things then what do you do? How does life change when the struggle to survive disappears? The thought was so quiet and buried underneath my mental 'to do' lists that I quickly forgot about it.
Then this morning at chapel God reminded me about the question that had been whispering to me the day before. He seemed to be pointing to the children and in many different ways say that, what they are, how they are, that is exactly what He wants from me and everyone else too.
So this morning before I resume the rest of my day I am thinking about exactly what I saw in those children. I remember their shining faces smiling as they sang. Full of life and animation. Full hearts. Spontaneous joy. Completely in the moment of praise.
They seem to naturally know what was important. As I compare myself to them, I doubt they were worried about getting gas for the car or being late for an appointment. Nope they had all they needed right then and there....and I got to be there, and I felt I had all I needed and more too.

This song is for my Sweetheart, Tim. Happy Valentines!

Hey mf's...I'm Breathin' Freeeeeeeeeeee!

I haven't done anything with my life today. I'm a complete loser. Well, I did make the bed and pick up the house somewhat but thats because if I don't then I feel super uncomfortable, like itchy. Anyway, I am 'breathing free' that means I quit smoking but Oprah says not to say 'quit', you say, 'I'm f---ing breathing free'. Yah okay.

So the good news is I have been 'breathing free' since the 7th. Hoorah! The bad thing is, is that I had to go to my head shrinker doctor to readjust my medicine. I suggested to him to just cut to the chase and give me Vicodin. I don't know why we just mess around with other stuff. He didn't really see it that way though. So instead he ups my dosage of my anti-anxiety pill x3, and I really gotta tell you, its working. I am 'breathing free', I am also drooling, but no matter. I won't have cancer. Speaking of which, that is a new worry on my mind. I've had a bit of a sore back this morning, I was sure my spine was riddled with cancer but then again its probably because I slept till 11. Whatever. I am 'breathing free' okay? So I will sleep alot and its OKAY. Ha.
Now, I am going to go and accomplish something. What that will be I have no idea. Maybe organize my son's legos or repackage the dry cereal into tupperware. Hmmmmm....the choices are many...

The Dance Battle

Last night I took my 4 year old son, Luke and his 11 year old cousin to see Chris Brown in concert. It was quite the experience.
Now its not what your thinking. Chris Brown is not the typical rapper you'd think of right off. This guy is very cool and considered to be the best dancer currently for hip hop in the world. The concert totally rocked....from a kids point of view, that is.....no really..I actually loved it too. Besides Chris Brown joined this 'club' where the music artists pledge to use clean langauge. No nasty lyrics, no bitches, no ho's, and the like. Anyway, I felt his show was child friendly enough to bring my young ones to and apparantly so did many other parents. I was one of many out of place parents standing next to pre-teen kids going CRAZY. Yes it was quite the experience. I think it was great. Luke was completely mesmerized by the dancing and special effects.

My thinking on this is that I'd like to expose Luke to as much diverse talent as possible, kind of to show him what is possible in the world, to give him things to dream about and strive towards.
I know as a child my family lived in a smaller community and I wasn't exposed much to any kinds of talent unless it was highschool sports or singing in church. My artistic dreams never matured to personal possibility simply because I never met anyone who spoke the language of creative arts until I was much much older. If Luke has any of my leanings Tim and I are ready! We both noticed its highly likely from what Luke has shown so far!
He loves to perform and is very physical. For instance, this morning Luke and I did 'battle.'( I may be able to load the video later....) You ask, what is battle? Okay, its a dance off. His middle sister Remy made him a cd of his favorite rap songs. So I put it on and we take turns trying to out do each other breakdancing, popping, roboting, and other awesome dance moves. Its so fun, his sister Kenna, joined in and Tim too. Everyone doing the 'pop lock and drop' and 'getting low' and what not. Way fun. Luke's oldest sister Mariko was there too but she is a bit more 'Japanese' then her sister Kenna and too dignified to do the robot but she did get some good laughs though! Hopefully I can share the video because as you will see, Luke takes himself very seriously with his hip hop!
I guess the way I see is, that even if Luke does not end up mastering any particular art, the point is to understand the necessity of being able to express yourself from your heart joyously and spontaneously. In the world we live in its too often we do what we think we 'should' and end up forgetting the importance of child-like joy. There is so much regurgitated knowlegde and rules we need to learn to survive and while that is good....I just want to stress the other side. The side of honoring your dreams and living from the heart.
So I'm curious. What are your dreams? The thing you always wished you could do? The thing that when you're driving in the car you imagine yourself doing. You are flamenco dancing? Bravo. Go do it. You are a poet? Fabulous. Go make some poems. Who cares if they're crappy. I dance tahitian. I am terrible. But so what. There are enough experts in the world.
I you have the time I'd love to know....please comment and tell me what you would secretly love to do.

Super bored.

OKay, I'm a bit bored tonight and I happen to be a wicked list maker. Everyday you know, I make a list. Sometimes they're weird, but I swear they help me.

List of stuff I like.

• Roberto Cavalli dresses
• Leonard de Paris clothes
  

1. Thrift stores
2. piano
3. 3' heels
4. suede
5. awesome leather handbags
   
6. reading
   
7. cooking by the seat of my pants. (meaning; making it up as you go)
8. painting
9. shock value
10. taking photos of random stuff
11. Fresh flowers
12. silence
13. pedicures

By the Grace of God, there go I.

I finally figured out how to choose my own music for this site. It was so easy its embarrassing-oh well.
Let me introduce my current favorite musician: Marc Cohen.

I love his arrangements the guitar, piano, and lyrics are simple, true, and beautifully put. I think this particular song speaks well for me, and if it really is a great song, it will speak to a place in everyone.

I added a few more links to sites I liked. Geek-Betty is someone I accidentally came across, kinda bumped into her blog out in cyberspace. I'm very glad I did. I find reading it a strange experience, as if she is living the life I tried so hard to get away from. But somehow, when reading her blog, we seem the same. All our life trappings that supposedly tell us who we are: our zip code, our education, our cars, ect. ect. that were supposed to separate us...they really don't. Anyway, her life shows me that our wealth is on the inside.

and sometimes I'm proud, and sometimes I'm unsure if I should be ashamed of how hard I tried to climb up up up and out. And I have to think about it to remember, so I know, I wasn't climbing up for status but for freedom. Freedom from ignorance, hatred, bitterness, blame.
So I did climb. Yeah, so I'm a climber. I know it's been said about me. But I think you would have too if you were me. Who wants to live a life saturated with drugs, lies, and fear? It was poverty on every level and when I decided I wanted out, I stopped at nothing to get away from all of it. I can't seem to be sorry for that.

but sometimes I feel guilty about my life. I know I don't have everything in the world but it sure is more than most. I thought about this after posting the pictures of my new bedspread. As if thats the most important thing in the world or something. I don't know. I'm just glad I have a bed with sheets and the fact that they match...well thats the frosting. I'll not mention the thread count..ah hem...but seriously, I guess I felt weird for celebrating so openly my new stuff without qualifying how they came to be, and now I will qualify them.
"By the grace of God, there go I.."

I'm a real grown-up.

Okay, here is the new bed spread, I still need a few more pieces, but hey, Its an improvement.


Next photo proves that I am a full fledged grown-up. I now am the proud owner of stemware. YAH!

Last photo is the flowers I bought this week, they're kinda dying but I'm still hanging on to them.

She was bored!

My bff, Heidi, has met a dream guy and they are about to run off into the sunset. ah hem... Yah. No they really are. I am so happy for her. She is one of the most industrious women I know. Single mom, Business owner, and she's kept her hair gorgeous platinum blond through it all. She is my most fabulous friend. Loyal, loving, whimsical, and completely unique.

It seems like her life is changing as her new man pampers her to death. She called me and left this message, "Um....yah, Cathy, I was wondering...uh, What DO you Do all day, yah, call me back."

Now normally if someone asks me that, them are fighten words! Cause hey! I do important shit. Don't make me get into it.
But when Heidi left that message I totally had to laugh. She used to work too much, as far as I was concerned. It seems like she is getting a well deserved break. I called her back.

"Hey, I got your message....girl, you don't even know!"

Her, "Really? Well what do you do, because I'm kind of bored."

Me, "Okay, remember my bedspread? It was so gross. Anyway, Tim has hated it for so long. I got an awesome new set up. Its totally right out of a magazine. So hotel. But see, it wasn't easy, I bargained shopped, thats the thing see... I went to costco and bought a down comfortor, then Ross for this gorgeous duvet....I'm not even near finished...but you know.."

Her, "hmmmm, yeah.....decorate....that is so perf." (Perf: Perfect.)
Me, "For real, its totally fun. Oh, also, your kid, they will keep you busy, sign em up for all kinds of activities. You know you'll be carpooling for hours. Piano, gymnastics, japanese....yoga...and whatnot."

Her, "Yeah, Savannah is starting ballet, and we'll be moving soon and that will keep us seriously busy. I guess I was just bored for a bit today. Besides I gotta a million apps from nannys to read."

Me, "Oh, well, if you get bored again, call me. I'll tell you about my new magic bullet blender. Its the bomb. Anyway, I'm going back to bed, I have a blader infection."

Her, "ew. kay, bye."

I can not believe we are having this conversation........as we met 11 years ago in a night club we both go- goed at, our lockers were next to each others...and now we're moms and functioning members of society discussing house-wife stuff.......thank God.

Vocabulary Lesson for Tim

A couple days ago my truck was broken into. Not really 'broken into' persay because it wasn't locked in the first place. The only thing stolen that mattered was my phone. I replaced it yesterday and have the same phone number, however, the SIM card memory couldn't be replaced which means I have no ones phone numbers. If you all could be so kind and call me with your number I will start the reprogramming of my phone.

Yesterday Tim was going to take out his one man canoe. He had Luke helping him get it down from the racks. Tim said to him, "Be careful it's delicate."
Luke replies, " I know."
Tim looks at him and goes, "Do you know what 'delicate' means?"
Luke bored says, "Yes, it means fragile."
Tim now curious asks, "Do you know what fragile means?"
Luke says, "Yah Dad, it means something can be easily broken."

Tim came inside later to tell me the story how Luke patiently answered all of his questions, he was a bit surprised by his vocab. I just figured Luke thought Tim needed to know the definition. Its so nice of him to put up with his parents questions.

Om.

Lately I've been reading about meditation. I have been very interested in the suggestion of a quiet time of listening. The thought of stopping my mind for while has sounded good to me. However, it also made me very nervous. I have tried to slow my mind in the past and meditate and it did't turn out at all.

I have always had too many thoughts. It has taken me so many years to learn which ones to express. This is no joke as being finally diagnosed with some minor mental quirks. My doctor explained it well. He said that my mind is like a radio playing 5 to 10 channels...AT ONCE. I could identify with that imediately. It was the first time someone seemed to understand what its like in my head! Anyway, it is not always that loud in there and I can focus, it just may be a bit more difficult at times. Since then I've learned many different ways to cope with the incessant thinking and can report I have had great results.

Now that I think I have a good control on my internal radio stations I decided to try to meditate this afternoon. I sat down on a pillow and got geared up to start mediating. I was like, 'YAH! I'm DOING it! Cool.' But after a few minutes the chatter did slow and I found a really effective image to focus on.

I imagined I was floating in water. The further away my thoughts got, the lower I would sink under the surface. I could look up and see the light above the water which was my external world with all its noise and chaos. I continued to sink a bit lower so the light was further and further away. On the way down I imagined my cares, concerns, and static to float up and away to the surface, like bubbles. I noticed that after the most noticeable ones floated away I was left with this one thought that I seemed to have an abundance of. The last thoughts to float up all had one word in common. When I noticed the word I was surprised. The word was, "Want". For instance, it sounded like this, I want to scratch my nose, I want a drink of water, I want a blanket, I want to change my legs, I want....' You get the point.

At a certain point though, the wants got quieter so as I didn't notice them as much. When my leg fell asleep I thought whoa, I am way not yogi enough for that! So I opened my eyes and looked at my watch. I had no idea how long I'd been there.

I got 21 minutes. Somehow I don't think I'm supposed to be this proud of it, but I am. Yay me.