Om.

Lately I've been reading about meditation. I have been very interested in the suggestion of a quiet time of listening. The thought of stopping my mind for while has sounded good to me. However, it also made me very nervous. I have tried to slow my mind in the past and meditate and it did't turn out at all.

I have always had too many thoughts. It has taken me so many years to learn which ones to express. This is no joke as being finally diagnosed with some minor mental quirks. My doctor explained it well. He said that my mind is like a radio playing 5 to 10 channels...AT ONCE. I could identify with that imediately. It was the first time someone seemed to understand what its like in my head! Anyway, it is not always that loud in there and I can focus, it just may be a bit more difficult at times. Since then I've learned many different ways to cope with the incessant thinking and can report I have had great results.

Now that I think I have a good control on my internal radio stations I decided to try to meditate this afternoon. I sat down on a pillow and got geared up to start mediating. I was like, 'YAH! I'm DOING it! Cool.' But after a few minutes the chatter did slow and I found a really effective image to focus on.

I imagined I was floating in water. The further away my thoughts got, the lower I would sink under the surface. I could look up and see the light above the water which was my external world with all its noise and chaos. I continued to sink a bit lower so the light was further and further away. On the way down I imagined my cares, concerns, and static to float up and away to the surface, like bubbles. I noticed that after the most noticeable ones floated away I was left with this one thought that I seemed to have an abundance of. The last thoughts to float up all had one word in common. When I noticed the word I was surprised. The word was, "Want". For instance, it sounded like this, I want to scratch my nose, I want a drink of water, I want a blanket, I want to change my legs, I want....' You get the point.

At a certain point though, the wants got quieter so as I didn't notice them as much. When my leg fell asleep I thought whoa, I am way not yogi enough for that! So I opened my eyes and looked at my watch. I had no idea how long I'd been there.

I got 21 minutes. Somehow I don't think I'm supposed to be this proud of it, but I am. Yay me.