Disjointed

It has been so long since I last wrote, but life has been moving too fast for me to stop to record my observations.....too much craziness..
I swear, I see my life, well the whole world actually, in vivid living color. I find it exciting/exhausting and some people find it manic..but whatever.
First of all the whole quit smoking thing is entering it's 4th month. I finally feel confident enough to say I quit and not 'I'm quitting.' It feels good and now I also feel far enough away from the beginning of the journey to comment on it with some perspective.
Letting go of smoking has been one of the major struggles of my life. It had filled in so many moments and gaps...it was my absolute best card for coping with life. Unfortunately my best card was bad for mine and everyone else's health. So here I am and now I'm naked, at least that is how it feels. Raw. Its been raw. Life has become so much louder and brighter than before. That is something I am learning how to live and deal with. It will be okay though...actually it will be great....moving along...
Luke had his birthday party. The big 5. It was so much fun at least thats what it looked like from where I was inside my head.
I've been a bit detatched since I found out my cousin Josh died. I have so much to say about him and to him but right now nothing will come. Its frustrating because I want so much to tell how beautiful he was and all the things I saw in him...but not today I guess. I'm too disjointed. I'm going to go and work on my ebay store instead.